Apr 03 2015
The Secret to Female Orgasms
The Female Orgasm Secret
For women there is a very common misunderstanding about your sex organs. This is causing many women to go for years without experiencing an orgasm, until suddenly something changes and they experience their first orgasm. At that stage they realize what they have been missing, and how incredibly simple it is and how stupid the sex education they receives was.
The great secret to a woman’s orgasm? Your clitoris is your primary sex organ, not your vagina.
If you have not done so yet, lock your door. Look at these drawings:
- Front: https://www.meb.uni-bonn.de/cancer.gov/Media/CDR0000742480.jpg
- Front: http://newwomansurgical.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/VDiagram.jpg
- Side: http://216.105.128.136/Lparmenterweb/Bio211Lab/Bio211chapter28lab/figure_28_13_0_labeled.jpg
Then get comfortable, get a mirror and look at yourself in the mirror and identify all your parts. Spread your lips apart with your fingers and look at your vaginal opening and your clitoris, move the hood over your clitoris back so that you can see what it looks like. You should also notice that as you move your fingers down there, some parts are more sensitive than others.
The tissue that forms a boy’s penis in the womb, forms the clitoris in a girl (http://afterdinnerparty.com/files/cache/40d4b474ff60a6fdfb239eb49e805349.jpg). That little glans (head) of the clitoris you can see and feel, has more nerve endings than a man’s whole penis. Over 8,000 nerve endings makes it the most sensitive organ on the human body, male or female. Your clitoris has only one function: providing you with sexual stimulation causing you to orgasm. Your clitoris does not do anything else. It does not have glands and you do not pee through this "mini penis" like a man. The one and only function of that small clitoris glans with its 8,000 nerve endings is sexual stimulation leading to orgasms.
What you see in the mirror and feel with your finger is just the head (glans) of your clitoris. It looks like a little pink pencil eraser. But the glans is only the smallest part of your clitoris. The rest of your clitoris goes deep inside your body (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e7/EdSim_Clitoris_anatomy.jpg). In total, your clitoris is over 15cm long, it has a head (glans), hidden neck, hidden body, two hidden bulbs and two hidden legs. When you get aroused, your whole clitoris fills with blood and swells up (http://emketterer.com/storage/663px-Clitoris_anatomy_labeled-en.svg.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1315504960193). The little glans will get swell, get erect and will likely peek out from under its hood.
Today researchers are also saying that what was considered to be the so called G Spot in years gone past, is really just the internal parts of the clitoris (the clitoral complex), and that the G Spot does not exist as a distinct thing.
Your vagina is inside your body. You can see the opening between your lips where they come together at the back. This opening can be partially blocked by your hymen, if you still have one. If you are in or past puberty, your hymen will very likely not look anything like you expect, and it can be very difficult to see. It is likely just a small fleshy ring or flaps of thick elastic tissue, looking the same as everything else around it. The inside of your vagina is ridged (corrugated), and wet/slippery. It is normally not open like a pipe, unless you are aroused. It is flat and the walls are touching each other (like a sock that is not on your foot). When you get sexually aroused, blood rushes to the vagina and it will open up to look like a pipe. Your vagina is not straight – it is curved. If you can see inside the entrance, it will likely look like there is a fleshy ball there. That is because your vagina curves around that.
The big surprise is that the inside of your vagina is largely without much nerve endings, so it does not feel a whole lot. In many cases it feels so little that women often describe it as "numb".
Your vagina is a birth canal, an outlet for menstrual flow during your period, an outlet for discharge, and a safe place for a partner to deposit his sperm to make you pregnant. It is without nerve endings and feeling to protect you from pain and trauma during child birth, menstruation, infections and sex.
Even though most descriptions, pictures and videos about sex concentrates on the penis pumping inside the vagina, that is not how the vast majority of women orgasm. You orgasm from the stimulation your clitoris receives. About 25% of all women are lucky because their clitoris is close to their vaginal entrance. So when they have sex, the man’s penis also stimulates her clitoris. The rest of us must learn that our clitoris is our "orgasm button", and get enough stimulation to our clitoris during sex to make us orgasm.
Orgasm:
An orgasm is the sudden release of sexual and muscle tension from around your genitals and reproductive organs in waves of pleasure, heat and contractions, leaving you happy, warm and glowing, satisfied and relaxed, even sleepy.
In the run-up to your orgasm, your body will tense, you may shake, twitch, move and grasp uncontrollably. Your breathing and heart rate will rise sharply and you may feel hot and frustrated as you anticipate the release which does not seem to come.
Do not worry, this is normal. Keep on going and concentrate on what you feel happening in your body. Eventually the stimulation will lead to an orgasm. It can take a minute, or it can take 20 or 30 minutes. Most women do orgasm within 5 minutes, but taking consistently or occasionally longer does not mean anything.
You may feel the need to pee as your orgasm comes closer. If you peed before you started, do not fight this feeling. It is likely squirt or gushing fluid. Releasing this in a big wet orgasm can be astounding. Make sure you have a towel under you to catch the gush.
Of course, it can also be pee. Until you find out what it is, you will not know. Smell it AFTER it dries. If it does not smell like pee, it is not pee.
During masturbation:
Your clitoris is very sensitive to direct touch. So touch it through the skin and hood until just before you orgasm when it likes to be touched harder and faster. It likes to be well lubricated (saliva, a personal lubricant or your own arousal fluid from your vaginal entrance). You can use your fingers or the palm of your hand, and rub around it, across it, next to it, over it, press it, squeeze it, tap on it. You can use something that vibrates on it. You can press harder or softer, move faster or slower, or even very slow and very light with just a finger tip on your clitoris.
When it becomes too intense, move the stimulation away for a bit. Your inner lips likes to be stroked, and your vaginal entrance is very sensitive. Run your finger around it or insert your finger if you feel like doing so. You should be very wet, slippery and aroused by now. You can also squeeze and press your breasts and nipples. Or spank yourself lightly, or run your finger around your anus which is also very sensitive. Just do something else for a bit before returning to your clitoris.
During Oral Sex:
Oral sex automatically bring stimulation mainly to your clitoris. That is why oral sex is so good and most women orgasm quite easily from it. Tell your partner what you like, and warn him if what he is doing is painful or uncomfortable. Encourage him to keep on doing what feels good for you. Him sticking his finger into your vagina during oral sex after you are aroused, can feel incredibly good.
During foreplay/fingering:
Your partner can keep his/her thumb on your clitoris and other fingers inside your vagina (from between your legs), or keep his/her palm on your clitoris and a finger inside your vagina (from above you, like you are stimulating yourself). It can also feel great for him or her to rub your clitoris through your panty.
During Sex (Intercourse):
Most women do not get enough stimulation on her clitoris to orgasm during intercourse. This is normal because of the way men’s and women’s anatomy fit together. It may be the norm, but it is not satisfactory.
Why the Clitoris does not get enough stimulation to give you an orgasm during intercourse
From Sex Manual, Rx Edition. Copyright © 1945, 1953 by G Lombard Kelly
You can fix it by getting stimulation to your clitoris during intercourse. Real men and women get pleasure from seeing their partners enjoying sex, so they should not mind. While these techniques may seem unnatural in the beginning, it will very quickly become natural and a normal part of your sexual technique. So just go for it, even if you are shy or it feels strange. Millions and millions and millions of other women are doing the same thing to orgasm.
Masturbation-like Sex: Put your fingers down there, or ask him to do it and rub your clitoris like you are masturbating during intercourse. This is easier done in positions with him behind you (spoon or doggy), or you sitting on top of him (cow girl or reverse cow girl), or him standing while you are laying on the bed or couch.
Grinding: Change the way you have sex. Instead of the normal in/out, up/down action, let him push in deep, then tilt your pelvis so that your clitoris makes contact with his body, then rock your hips in a small circle or forwards and backwards to stimulate your clitoris on him. This is just as much fun for him as going in and out, and it will give you the orgasm you crave during sex. This is easier done in the beginning when you are on top where you can control the angle and motion. As you get used to this, it can be incorporated into normal in/out sex by ending every in stroke from him with this extra grind to stimulate you. (http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y239/Balthazoid/7clit-Copy.jpg)
How grinding and rubbing can get enough stimulation to your Clitoris to make you orgasm during intercourse
From Sex Manual, Rx Edition. Copyright © 1945, 1953 by G Lombard Kelly
Extra Masturbation Techniques:
Humping: You can kneel on the floor or bed, stack and fold pillows between your legs and then hump them like you are riding a horse. This will bring very broad stimulation to your clitoris and vulva, and make you orgasm. You can do it with or without your panties on. Some women will hump the side of their mattress, or the arm rest of a couch or chair, or the corner of a table or counter that way. It may be easier to do with pants on. You can also lie on your stomach and put a stuffed toy, pillow, blanket or your hand or fist between your legs an hump it, much the same way as you would move when you have sex and you are laying on top.
Water: Letting water from the bath faucet or a hand shower or a bidet run over your clitoris can give you great hands-free orgasms. Make sure you are comfortable, the water is a good temperature and will stay so, and it is not blasting into your vagina.
Is your mind really a sex organ?
It is often said that your mind is the most important sex organ. This is likely more true for women than for men. Men can pretty much rub their penises under any circumstances and any place and orgasm. The orgasm is MUCH more elusive for women. It may feel like you are on the verge, but never get it. You may get it only some times, or unreliably. Does your mind play a role in this?
The answer is YES. Many women suffering from depression, will never orgasm. Many women taking drugs for depression have difficulty having an orgasm. Many women suffering from ADD will never orgasm. As soon as they start to take medicines for ADD, they become super orgasmic. Why does this happen? When you have ADD, you have difficulty concentrating on anything. So these women have difficulty realizing that they are getting aroused and concentrating on the sensations flowing from their genitals during sex or masturbation. Once they start taking Ritalin, their brains suddenly become aware of the good sensations coming from her genitals. It then fixates on these feelings leading to massive orgasms.
So what do we need to do to help our brains giving us big orgasms without the help of drugs?
- Do not worry about your body, weight, how you look.
- Do not worry about what he may think about you naked
- Do not worry about sounds, smells or tastes
- Be private with no fear of being caught
- Do not feel guilty or ashamed
- Give yourself over to your instinctive animal side and do not fight it
- Fantasize
- Be aware of the feelings in your body. Be aware of the tension building in your brain and body. Concentrate on keeping the buildup going
- Forget about yourself, your insecurities and stop thinking about what your partner is or may be thinking about you or sex. Just go for it.
As you get closer to orgasm, electric pulses from those 8.000 plus nerve endings in your clitoris is shooting up your spine into your brain where it builds up a charge. Almost like thunder storm clouds building and building. You will have some false starts, where some of this energy collecting in your brain leaks out and causes uncontrolled twitching and contractions, just like your orgasm is about to start, but then petering out. These are like little lightning strikes in the storm clouds. Then suddenly your brain will totally get overwhelmed by the energy. It will trip out and go into a trance like state for a second or two. On a brain scan, it looks like a Christmas tree lighting up from all this electrical activity. This will cause the energy to be released throughout your body, setting off the waves of pleasure, heat and muscle spasms. Feel good and bonding chemicals are secreted directly into your brain by glands, giving you that feeling of well being, being satisfied and happy and wanting to bond with your partner.
Emotions like lust, anger and love can also drive strong sexual reactions. Even emotions like hate and disgust can increase the intensity of your orgasms. Just think about makeup sex, or sex when you are very horny. The emotion does not need to be love, but you have to be emotionally involved.
So yes, your brain enables all this to happen, and your thoughts and doubts can prevent it from happening.
Whether you are having sex for love, lust or making a baby, give yourself and your thoughts over to your body to lead. Do not develop self doubt. Do not become a spectator judging yourself. Just get over yourself and go for it – you will be richly rewarded.
Hints:
- Make sure you know what pleasures you before you try to tell somebody else how to pleasure you.
- Communication with your partner is good: "That feels so good", "Keep on doing that","Faster or Harder please", "Don’t stop", "A bit up/down/faster/harder" are all good words to use.
- Everything feels better with lubrication. A water or silicone based personal lubricant can do wonders, even if you think you are lubricated enough. There is no shame in using a lubricant. It is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to help your sex life.
- It is ok not to orgasm every single time, but you should orgasm when you want to. If you cannot do it with a partner during intercourse, do it before or after with fingering, oral sex or masturbation. There is no reason why you should leave sex frustrated and/or angry.
- Evaluate your medicines. Mood altering medicines, sinus, cold and allergy medicines can interfere. Birth control hormones will often contribute to anorgasmia (not being able to orgasm). Drugs or alcohol can make you more horny and responsive up to a point after which it hinders arousal and release.
- Medical conditions like endometriosis, depression, ADD, a lack of sleep, pain, stress and worry can make you anorgasmic.
- Feeling guilty, ashamed or worried can stop all your fun.
- The phase of your menstrual cycle can affect your sexual response greatly. Women are often horny and receptive during their fertile period around ovulation. Many women are also super horny around their periods. Be aware and make use of these periods of being horny to have sex.
- Make and keep sex fun. Even if you have been trying to have a baby for a while without success. Sex is not work. Keep it fun and lustful.
- Look forward to masturbation. You are having sex with the one person you will spend the rest of your life with. It is natural and healthy. Enjoy it guilt free. Make a rule. No negative thoughts about masturbation. Not before, during or after. It is just something you do like sleeping, breathing or eating to keep you healthy and functioning. It is a safe, healthy and private way to manage your urges.
Finally, if all else fails, it is time to see your doctor
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