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Apr 03 2015

The Secret to Female Orgasms

Published by under Anatomy,Information

The Female Orgasm Secret

For women there is a very common misunderstanding about your sex organs. This is causing many women to go for years without experiencing an orgasm, until suddenly something changes and they experience their first orgasm. At that stage they realize what they have been missing, and how incredibly simple it is and how stupid the sex education they receives was.

The great secret to a woman’s orgasm? Your clitoris is your primary sex organ, not your vagina.

If you have not done so yet, lock your door. Look at these drawings:

Then get comfortable, get a mirror and look at yourself in the mirror and identify all your parts. Spread your lips apart with your fingers and look at your vaginal opening and your clitoris, move the hood over your clitoris back so that you can see what it looks like. You should also notice that as you move your fingers down there, some parts are more sensitive than others.

The tissue that forms a boy’s penis in the womb, forms the clitoris in a girl ( That little glans (head) of the clitoris you can see and feel, has more nerve endings than a man’s whole penis. Over 8,000 nerve endings makes it the most sensitive organ on the human body, male or female. Your clitoris has only one function: providing you with sexual stimulation causing you to orgasm. Your clitoris does not do anything else. It does not have glands and you do not pee through this "mini penis" like a man. The one and only function of that small clitoris glans with its 8,000 nerve endings is sexual stimulation leading to orgasms.

What you see in the mirror and feel with your finger is just the head (glans) of your clitoris. It looks like a little pink pencil eraser. But the glans is only the smallest part of your clitoris. The rest of your clitoris goes deep inside your body ( In total, your clitoris is over 15cm long, it has a head (glans), hidden neck, hidden body, two hidden bulbs and two hidden legs. When you get aroused, your whole clitoris fills with blood and swells up ( The little glans will get swell, get erect and will likely peek out from under its hood.

Today researchers are also saying that what was considered to be the so called G Spot in years gone past, is really just the internal parts of the clitoris (the clitoral complex), and that the G Spot does not exist as a distinct thing.

Your vagina is inside your body. You can see the opening between your lips where they come together at the back. This opening can be partially blocked by your hymen, if you still have one. If you are in or past puberty, your hymen will very likely not look anything like you expect, and it can be very difficult to see. It is likely just a small fleshy ring or flaps of thick elastic tissue, looking the same as everything else around it. The inside of your vagina is ridged (corrugated), and wet/slippery. It is normally not open like a pipe, unless you are aroused. It is flat and the walls are touching each other (like a sock that is not on your foot). When you get sexually aroused, blood rushes to the vagina and it will open up to look like a pipe. Your vagina is not straight – it is curved. If you can see inside the entrance, it will likely look like there is a fleshy ball there. That is because your vagina curves around that.

The big surprise is that the inside of your vagina is largely without much nerve endings, so it does not feel a whole lot. In many cases it feels so little that women often describe it as "numb".

Your vagina is a birth canal, an outlet for menstrual flow during your period, an outlet for discharge, and a safe place for a partner to deposit his sperm to make you pregnant. It is without nerve endings and feeling to protect you from pain and trauma during child birth, menstruation, infections and sex.

Even though most descriptions, pictures and videos about sex concentrates on the penis pumping inside the vagina, that is not how the vast majority of women orgasm. You orgasm from the stimulation your clitoris receives. About 25% of all women are lucky because their clitoris is close to their vaginal entrance. So when they have sex, the man’s penis also stimulates her clitoris. The rest of us must learn that our clitoris is our "orgasm button", and get enough stimulation to our clitoris during sex to make us orgasm.


An orgasm is the sudden release of sexual and muscle tension from around your genitals and reproductive organs in waves of pleasure, heat and contractions, leaving you happy, warm and glowing, satisfied and relaxed, even sleepy.

In the run-up to your orgasm, your body will tense, you may shake, twitch, move and grasp uncontrollably. Your breathing and heart rate will rise sharply and you may feel hot and frustrated as you anticipate the release which does not seem to come.

Do not worry, this is normal. Keep on going and concentrate on what you feel happening in your body. Eventually the stimulation will lead to an orgasm. It can take a minute, or it can take 20 or 30 minutes. Most women do orgasm within 5 minutes, but taking consistently or occasionally longer does not mean anything.

You may feel the need to pee as your orgasm comes closer. If you peed before you started, do not fight this feeling. It is likely squirt or gushing fluid. Releasing this in a big wet orgasm can be astounding. Make sure you have a towel under you to catch the gush.

Of course, it can also be pee. Until you find out what it is, you will not know. Smell it AFTER it dries. If it does not smell like pee, it is not pee.

During masturbation:

Your clitoris is very sensitive to direct touch. So touch it through the skin and hood until just before you orgasm when it likes to be touched harder and faster. It likes to be well lubricated (saliva, a personal lubricant or your own arousal fluid from your vaginal entrance). You can use your fingers or the palm of your hand, and rub around it, across it, next to it, over it, press it, squeeze it, tap on it. You can use something that vibrates on it. You can press harder or softer, move faster or slower, or even very slow and very light with just a finger tip on your clitoris.

When it becomes too intense, move the stimulation away for a bit. Your inner lips likes to be stroked, and your vaginal entrance is very sensitive. Run your finger around it or insert your finger if you feel like doing so. You should be very wet, slippery and aroused by now. You can also squeeze and press your breasts and nipples. Or spank yourself lightly, or run your finger around your anus which is also very sensitive. Just do something else for a bit before returning to your clitoris.

During Oral Sex:

Oral sex automatically bring stimulation mainly to your clitoris. That is why oral sex is so good and most women orgasm quite easily from it. Tell your partner what you like, and warn him if what he is doing is painful or uncomfortable. Encourage him to keep on doing what feels good for you. Him sticking his finger into your vagina during oral sex after you are aroused, can feel incredibly good.

During foreplay/fingering:

Your partner can keep his/her thumb on your clitoris and other fingers inside your vagina (from between your legs), or keep his/her palm on your clitoris and a finger inside your vagina (from above you, like you are stimulating yourself). It can also feel great for him or her to rub your clitoris through your panty.

During Sex (Intercourse):

Most women do not get enough stimulation on her clitoris to orgasm during intercourse. This is normal because of the way men’s and women’s anatomy fit together. It may be the norm, but it is not satisfactory.



Why the Clitoris does not get enough stimulation to give you an orgasm during intercourse

From Sex Manual, Rx Edition. Copyright © 1945, 1953 by G Lombard Kelly


You can fix it by getting stimulation to your clitoris during intercourse. Real men and women get pleasure from seeing their partners enjoying sex, so they should not mind. While these techniques may seem unnatural in the beginning, it will very quickly become natural and a normal part of your sexual technique. So just go for it, even if you are shy or it feels strange. Millions and millions and millions of other women are doing the same thing to orgasm.

Masturbation-like Sex: Put your fingers down there, or ask him to do it and rub your clitoris like you are masturbating during intercourse. This is easier done in positions with him behind you (spoon or doggy), or you sitting on top of him (cow girl or reverse cow girl), or him standing while you are laying on the bed or couch.

Grinding: Change the way you have sex. Instead of the normal in/out, up/down action, let him push in deep, then tilt your pelvis so that your clitoris makes contact with his body, then rock your hips in a small circle or forwards and backwards to stimulate your clitoris on him. This is just as much fun for him as going in and out, and it will give you the orgasm you crave during sex. This is easier done in the beginning when you are on top where you can control the angle and motion. As you get used to this, it can be incorporated into normal in/out sex by ending every in stroke from him with this extra grind to stimulate you. (



How grinding and rubbing can get enough stimulation to your Clitoris to make you orgasm during intercourse

From Sex Manual, Rx Edition. Copyright © 1945, 1953 by G Lombard Kelly


Extra Masturbation Techniques:

Humping: You can kneel on the floor or bed, stack and fold pillows between your legs and then hump them like you are riding a horse. This will bring very broad stimulation to your clitoris and vulva, and make you orgasm. You can do it with or without your panties on. Some women will hump the side of their mattress, or the arm rest of a couch or chair, or the corner of a table or counter that way. It may be easier to do with pants on. You can also lie on your stomach and put a stuffed toy, pillow, blanket or your hand or fist between your legs an hump it, much the same way as you would move when you have sex and you are laying on top.

Water: Letting water from the bath faucet or a hand shower or a bidet run over your clitoris can give you great hands-free orgasms. Make sure you are comfortable, the water is a good temperature and will stay so, and it is not blasting into your vagina.

Is your mind really a sex organ?

It is often said that your mind is the most important sex organ. This is likely more true for women than for men. Men can pretty much rub their penises under any circumstances and any place and orgasm. The orgasm is MUCH more elusive for women. It may feel like you are on the verge, but never get it. You may get it only some times, or unreliably. Does your mind play a role in this?

The answer is YES. Many women suffering from depression, will never orgasm. Many women taking drugs for depression have difficulty having an orgasm. Many women suffering from ADD will never orgasm. As soon as they start to take medicines for ADD, they become super orgasmic. Why does this happen? When you have ADD, you have difficulty concentrating on anything. So these women have difficulty realizing that they are getting aroused and concentrating on the sensations flowing from their genitals during sex or masturbation. Once they start taking Ritalin, their brains suddenly become aware of the good sensations coming from her genitals. It then fixates on these feelings leading to massive orgasms.

So what do we need to do to help our brains giving us big orgasms without the help of drugs?

  • Do not worry about your body, weight, how you look.
  • Do not worry about what he may think about you naked
  • Do not worry about sounds, smells or tastes
  • Be private with no fear of being caught
  • Do not feel guilty or ashamed
  • Give yourself over to your instinctive animal side and do not fight it
  • Fantasize
  • Be aware of the feelings in your body. Be aware of the tension building in your brain and body. Concentrate on keeping the buildup going
  • Forget about yourself, your insecurities and stop thinking about what your partner is or may be thinking about you or sex. Just go for it.

As you get closer to orgasm, electric pulses from those 8.000 plus nerve endings in your clitoris is shooting up your spine into your brain where it builds up a charge. Almost like thunder storm clouds building and building. You will have some false starts, where some of this energy collecting in your brain leaks out and causes uncontrolled twitching and contractions, just like your orgasm is about to start, but then petering out. These are like little lightning strikes in the storm clouds. Then suddenly your brain will totally get overwhelmed by the energy. It will trip out and go into a trance like state for a second or two. On a brain scan, it looks like a Christmas tree lighting up from all this electrical activity. This will cause the energy to be released throughout your body, setting off the waves of pleasure, heat and muscle spasms. Feel good and bonding chemicals are secreted directly into your brain by glands, giving you that feeling of well being, being satisfied and happy and wanting to bond with your partner.

Emotions like lust, anger and love can also drive strong sexual reactions. Even emotions like hate and disgust can increase the intensity of your orgasms. Just think about makeup sex, or sex when you are very horny. The emotion does not need to be love, but you have to be emotionally involved.

So yes, your brain enables all this to happen, and your thoughts and doubts can prevent it from happening.

Whether you are having sex for love, lust or making a baby, give yourself and your thoughts over to your body to lead.  Do not develop self doubt. Do not become a spectator judging yourself. Just get over yourself and go for it – you will be richly rewarded.


  • Make sure you know what pleasures you before you try to tell somebody else how to pleasure you.
  • Communication with your partner is good: "That feels so good", "Keep on doing that","Faster or Harder please", "Don’t stop", "A bit up/down/faster/harder" are all good words to use.
  • Everything feels better with lubrication. A water or silicone based personal lubricant can do wonders, even if you think you are lubricated enough. There is no shame in using a lubricant. It is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to help your sex life.
  • It is ok not to orgasm every single time, but you should orgasm when you want to. If you cannot do it with a partner during intercourse, do it before or after with fingering, oral sex or masturbation. There is no reason why you should leave sex frustrated and/or angry.
  • Evaluate your medicines. Mood altering medicines, sinus, cold and allergy medicines can interfere. Birth control hormones will often contribute to anorgasmia (not being able to orgasm). Drugs or alcohol can make you more horny and responsive up to a point after which it hinders arousal and release.
  • Medical conditions like endometriosis, depression, ADD, a lack of sleep, pain, stress and worry can make you anorgasmic.
  • Feeling guilty, ashamed or worried can stop all your fun.
  • The phase of your menstrual cycle can affect your sexual response greatly. Women are often horny and receptive during their fertile period around ovulation. Many women are also super horny around their periods. Be aware and make use of these periods of being horny to have sex.
  • Make and keep sex fun. Even if you have been trying to have a baby for a while without success. Sex is not work. Keep it fun and lustful.
  • Look forward to masturbation. You are having sex with the one person you will spend the rest of your life with. It is natural and healthy. Enjoy it guilt free. Make a rule. No negative thoughts about masturbation. Not before, during or after. It is just something you do like sleeping, breathing or eating to keep you healthy and functioning. It is a safe, healthy and private way to manage your urges.

Finally, if all else fails, it is time to see your doctor

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Oct 10 2014

Help, I cannot orgasm during sex

Published by under Uncategorized

Your clitoris is your primary sex organ, as you found out yourself during masturbation. It is quite normal for women not to get enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse to orgasm. This is because your clitoris is not close enough to the “action” to get stimulated enough during intercourse.

Your vagina is a birth canal, the outlet for menstrual flow and discharge and a safe place for your partner to deposit his sperm to make you pregnant. It is largely devoid off nerve endings to protect you from trauma during child birth, infections, menstruation and sex.

On the other hand, your clitoris is the most sensitive organ in the human body. More than 8,000 nerve endings in just that small part you can see (the gland). This is more than the nerve endings in a man’s whole penis. And that little glans that you can see and feel is just the tip. Your clitoris is massive and goes deep inside your your body. Two legs and two bulbs going about 15cm inside your body.

Your clitoris has one, and only one job- giving you intense sexual pleasure leading to orgasms. Not even a man’s penis is that dedicated to pleasure.

There are two ways to fix this and make you orgasm during intercourse:

1) Stimulate your clitoris while he is inside you. Or ask him to do so, or use a small clitoral vibrator, or a couple’s vibrator like the WeVibe. This is best done when he penetrates from behind, or you are on top, or your legs fondest are on his chest or over his shoulders.

2) Change the way you have intercourse from in/out/up/down to grinding and rubbing your clitoris on him while he is inside you. In the beginning it is easier to learn this while you are on top. After you figured it out, this will become much easier and automatic for you. And he will get all the pleasure he did before, plus more. More because he will see and feel you orgasm while he is inside you. Something most men get intense pleasure from.

Make sure you are fully aroused before penetration. Be sure to stay well lubricated throughout, and have the intercourse last long enough for you to orgasm.

More info on this:

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Sep 18 2014

Your Clitoris Gets Bigger During Your Fertile Time

Published by under Anatomy

Researchers have found that a woman’s clitoris increase in size when she is in her fertile window. This starts a few days before ovulation until a few days after ovulation. Before menstruation, the clitoris is at its smallest, and stays that way throughout menstruation.

This ties in with the evolutionary theory that a woman’s body gets primed for sex during her fertile time to ensure the survival of the human race.


Journal of Sexual Medicine Menstrual Cycle-Related Morphometric and Vascular Modifications of the Clitoris Cesare Battaglia MD, PhD, Rossella Elena Nappi MD, Fulvia Mancini MD, PhD1, Arianna Cianciosi MD, Nicola Persico MD, Paolo Busacchi MD, Fabio Facchinetti MD and Domenico De Aloysio MD 2008

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Aug 22 2014

Vagina vs. Clitoris

Published by under Anatomy

What is in a name?

There is a lot of confusion about a woman’s genitals, especially about what to call it, and secondly about what gives a woman pleasure.

The first bit of confusion is about the fact that girls are taught to call everything a vagina (or ‘vag’). If it is between your legs, it is a vagina. This is of course not correct, and not helpful. Everything you can see with your eyes are called the vulva. This includes the clitoris, clitoris hood, outer lips, inner lips, the area between the inner lips (where you can find the pee hole, vaginal entrance, skene’s glands and batholin’s glands. The fatty hairy area above the clitoris and below the belly/belly button is called the ‘mount of venus’, and it is considered to be a part of the vulva.

So where is the vagina?

The vagina is largely unseen – it is the ‘pipe’ going inside the body. The entrance is between the inner lips, where it is kept clean and protected by the inner and outer lips. At the top end, the vagina is closed and the cervix protrudes into the vagina.


Some women and a lot of men are totally confused about the function of the vagina and the clitoris.

The vagina is not a woman’s sex organ. Like a man’s sex organ is his penis, a woman’s sex organ is her clitoris (or ‘clit’). This is not an accident. The penis and clitoris has far more in common that you would think. During the formation of the sex organs in a fetus, the same tissue that forms the penis forms the clitoris. Even the internal structure looks the same. To make a man orgasm/ejaculate (‘cum’), you rub his penis. To make a woman orgasm, you rub her citoris



The easiest way to describe the difference between the vulva and the vagina is that when a woman is naked, you can see most of her vulva. In order to see her vagina, she needs to pull her lips open. And then you can only see the entrance to the vagina. If she is aroused, and has given birth before, you might be able to see somewhat into her vagina when she is aroused.

If she wants to orgasm, rub her clitoris, not inside her vagina.




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Jun 29 2013

I Cannot Orgasm During Sex with my Partner

Published by under Uncategorized

I find it easy to orgasm when I masturbate, but during sex with my husband, I feel nothing. is this normal. what can i do?

What you are describing is actually normal, and you already figured it out yourself. When you rub your clitoris, you orgasm, when your partner penetrates you, you do not.

It is a misconception that a woman’s vagina is her sex organ. Your sex organ is actually your clitoris.

Your vagina is your birth canal, an outlet for discharge and menstrual flow, and a safe place for your partner to deposit his sperm to make you pregnant. It is largely devoid of nerve endings to protect you from trauma during child birth, infections, menstruation and sex.

On the other hand, your clitoris is the most sensitive organ in the human body, male or female. It has one, and only one purpose – sexual pleasure and orgasm. Not even a man’s penis is so well equipped to give pleasure. That small little tip of your clitoris has more nerve endings than his whole penis. And what you see and feel is literally just the tip of your clitoris. It extends deep into your body, 2 legs and 2 bulbs for about 16 cm (6 inches).

The mechanics of sex, and your physical build prevents you from getting the stimulation on your clitoris that you need to orgasm during intercourse. When researchers looked at why this was happening, they figured out that it has to do with the distance between your vaginal opening, and your clitoris. if this distance is shorter than 25 mm (1 inch), you will orgasm almost every time. if the distance is 25 mm (1inch), you will orgasm some times. if the distance is greater than 25 mm (1 inch) you have to take special actions to orgasm. The strangest thing about this is that a relative of Napoleon Bonaparte and a close friend of Sigmund Freud, Princess Marie Bonaparte did the original study. She was not a doctor but wanted to figure out why this was happening to her. A number of other studies confirmed these findings since then.

How does this translate into the society we live in?

* About 20% of women have a clitoral vaginal distance less than 25 mm, and they just orgasm automatically.
* About 5 to 10% of women have a clitoral vaginal distance of around 25mm, and they will orgasm some times from just intercourse.
* About 70% of women have a distance greater than 25 mm. They will orgasm only very occasionally from intercourse alone. So if these women do not learn or figure out new techniques, they will stay unfulfilled and dissatisfied.

This 25 mm is about the length of the top part of your thumb (tip to first knuckle). So this became known as the rule of thumb.

Unfortunately, women do not talk about this, we feel it is our fault when we do not orgasm with our partners and we are ashamed to admit it or search for help. We definitely do not get taught this as a part of sex education. Ask around between your friends, and if they feel they can be honest about it, you will find that out of every 10, 2 will orgasm always, 1 a few times and 7 will have to find ways of helping them orgasm during intercourse, or they will never orgasm with a partner.

The way you will get an orgasm during intercourse is to get the necessary stimulation to your clitoris.

There are two ways of doing this:

1) Use a sex position where you can get fingers or a small vibrator on your clitoris, and rub or vibrate your clitoris. a good way to describe it is that you have to masturbate while he is having sex with you. Good positions for this are doggy, you on top (cowgirl) an positions where your feet or legs are up in the air. In these positions, he can even do the rubbing, or you can take his fingers and use them to masturbate yourself.

2) Tilt your pelvis until your clitoris touches his body, then rub and grind on him, rather than the more common in/out or up/down motions. Rub forwards and backwards, left and right or in small circles until you orgasm. This is easiest done with you on top where you control the speed, depth, angle and motion. After you learned to do this, you can even try it in any face-to-face position, even missionary. There is after all nothing saying that intercourse should be the traditional pumping action. I can guarantee you that he will enjoy the rubbing and grinding action as much.

I am yet to meet the man that does not get his pleasure from making his partner orgasm. Men (not immature boys) are almost always more into making you orgasm, than getting themselves there. Getting you to orgasm is a challenge they enjoy, getting themselves to orgasm is almost automatic, and not a challenge at all. So make use of this fact that he wants to give you an orgasm.

Your partner was not born knowing how your body works. Showing and telling him is very important. and then even then you may have to repeat it. You have to be patient and make sure he understands that your magic orgasm button is your clitoris, and not your vagina. Show him how you masturbate to orgasm. it is a show he will not forget, and you will not be able to wipe the smile from his face for days after. If you need to, sit between his legs with your back against his chest, take his fingers and masturbate yourself with it so that he can feel the speed, tempo, pressure and where you like to be touched. Do it more than once if you need to, and tell him about your clitoris. You should leave a man better equipped than when you started seeing him. You have to teach him, because his previous girlfriend did not do it. So don’t be that woman that leaves it for other women to teach him. Teach him right from the beginning.

At the end of the day however, only one person is responsible for your orgasm, and that is you. He can help you, but you have to instruct him, give your body and emotions over to the sensations and orgasm. He cannot make you orgasm, you must know how to orgasm. So being in love or in lust with your partner is also important to reach your orgasm. Trusting him and giving yourself over to your emotions, feelings and him is important. You have to switch off your conscious brain that sows doubt and insecurity, and connect to him on a new level. You have to feel safe, secure, loved and appreciated in order to live to your full sexual potential. If you cannot do this with this guy, then maybe he is not the right man for you.

Other things that are needed for you to reach full orgasmic potential are:

You have to feel safe and secure. So private in a place where you cannot be surprised by somebody else walking in, safe from pregnancy and STDs. You have to feel happy and secure with your body. We all are insecure about something, but when you have sex it is not the time to fear what he is thinking about the way your breasts swing, or the different size nipples you have, or the way one of your inner lips are sticking out, or how dark the edges of one of your inner lips are. It is not the time to be worried about that fat roll on your belly. It is the time to give yourself the way you are, and to receive him the way he is. It is a time to concentrate on your desires, emotions, feelings, not on your physical body. Getting naked together and having intercourse is a decision you both made. You are not forcing him to spend time with you, he is doing it because he desires you, and crave your body.

You have to switch off your conscious mind. This is not the time to ponder the difficulties of life, or worry about today, yesterday or tomorrow. Live in the moment. Concentrate on how you feel, on how the sexual tension is building in your genitals and body. If you want to think about something else, imagine yourself in another place, or with somebody else. Fantasy is a good way to deal with your anxiety and keep the ordinary day out of your thoughts while having sex.

Spend enough time on foreplay. Being wet does not mean you are fully ready for penetration. Your genitals will keep on swelling up and relaxing. So spend a good few minutes on foreplay after you think you are ready.

Make oral sex and finger sex a part of your foreplay. Having an orgasm before his penis even gets close is fun and can be helpful to get you ready for intercourse.

Make sure you are wet and slippery. Heat and friction is your enemy. Use a personal lubricant if you are not wet enough. Heck, use it even when you do think you are wet enough. It will always make sex better.

Extend the intercourse time a bit. If he is a rapid ejaculator, work with him to make him last a bit longer. Every bit helps.

Never fake an orgasm. Explain to him that women do not have an orgasm every time they have sex. While you are working on getting your orgasm with him, get your orgasm from oral sex or getting fingered. Even masturbation is preferable to faking it. Once you faked it, you lied to yourself and to him, and you cannot go back to work on it anymore without looking like a fool. And if you keep on faking it, you will begin to resent sex, and later resenting him.

P.S. there is actually a third way to orgasm during intercourse. This is a specialized sex technique/position called coital alignment technique (C.A.T.). It is fairly difficult to explain, so google it. It is also more suited to long term partners.

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Apr 12 2013

How can I make my orgasms better and stronger

Published by under Uncategorized

It is ALWAYS good to improve the quality of your orgasms. You may already have discovered that the way you get an orgasm can affect the quality of the orgasm, it can be the difference between earth shaking orgasms, and a mere whimper of an orgasm.

What is a good quality orgasm? It is one that leaves you in agony during the build up. To the point where you think you will explode when you orgasm, and all you can think about is your desire to get release and relieve now. A good quality orgasm leaves you totally spent and satisfied, glowing in the aftermath. It leaves you happy and content, feeling good about yourself and what you did. It will often leave you sweaty and totally wet around your vulva.

When women are asked to rate their orgasms by how easy it is to get one and how good it is, we get the following:

Oral sex

It is not just about the strength of your orgasm

Intercourse gives you many other pleasures that are not measured by the quality of your orgasm. It gives you and your partner the opportunity to be intimate, and it is amazing to have your partner inside your body, pleasuring himself and you. We also derive pleasure from seeing our partners enjoying themselves.

Ways to improve your orgasm

Love what you are doing – if you think sex and masturbation is dirty, or you are too fat/thin/ugly or whatever, you will not enjoy it as much as you should. You should love yourself, and love what you are doing.

Stop worrying – easy as that. Stop worrying about homework, about money, about how you look, about what other people will think, about getting an infection, an STD or pregnant. Make sure you are prepared to keep yourself safe, and you are private in a place where you cannot be caught. If you are worried about something you did not do that day, you will not be able to concentrate on your pleasure. If you are worried about getting pregnant, you will not be able to give your thoughts and body over to the pleasure. So be prepared, be safe and leave your worries outside your door.

Take your time – quicky orgasms can be fun at times, but the real good ones take time and effort to build up. The more you build up towards it, the greater the release will be.

Sex starts way before you take your panties off – a lot of your sexual arousal and satisfaction happens in your brain. Earth shattering sex can start in the morning when you give him a naughty squeeze when you kiss him goodbye. He will think about it the whole day. You will fantasize about the sex coming the whole day. By the time you end up panting on top of each other, you will already be more aroused than you are at any other time.

The magic of Tantric Sex – tantric sex

Exercising – being fit and healthy makes you feel good, and feel good about yourself. Exercising your PC muscles in your pelvic floor will do even better than that. It will give your partner and you incredible stimulation during intercourse if you contract these muscles. It also improve your orgasmic response and pleasure.

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Apr 07 2013

What is the difference between ‘cuming’ and orgasm?

Published by under Uncategorized

Younger women seem to be really confused about the terms ‘cum” or ‘cuming’ and orgasm.

The confusion stems from the more information available to girls today, and the fact that girls and boys discuss sex a lot more than in the past. Things like female ejaculation, squirting and gushing can totally confuse the issue as well.

For example:

i’m confused with whats an orgasm and whats squirting and whats cumming?

Ihad sex with one guy he was touching me and Ii couldn’t feel any orgasmic flutterings or pulsating feelings down below, but Ii came with lots of white stuff. LOL, so what’s that called? Is it cumming or squirting? And do girls have liquid coming out when you orgasm? I’ve been reading that only guys can come and orgasm at the same time.


So in a man it is easy. ‘Cuming’ is a slang term for ejaculate. Normally a man will have an orgasm and ejaculate at the same time. This is however not always true. But in general, saying that you made your boyfriend cum, means that he had an orgasm and ejaculated. The semen is often called ‘cum’, as in “after I rubbed his penis, I had cum all over my hand”.

In a woman it is not that simple. Unlike men, women are not expected to ejaculate during orgasm. Of course there are the phenomena of female ejaculation, squirting/gushing or peeing. This can however take place at any time, not only at orgasm. And only a small percentage of women can do it. So if you hear a woman say “I am cuming” she is normally indicating that she is having an orgasm. Not that she is secreting some fluid. Sometimes the word ‘cum’ is used to describe the fluids secreted, as in “When I pulled out the vibrator, it had my cum all over it”.

Urban Dictionary describes it as:
1. v. To Orgasm
2. n. Semen
in its most highly rated answer.

What comes out of a man’s penis is urine (pee) pre-ejaculate or pre-cum and semen or cum.
What comes out of a woman is urine (pee), ejaculation fluid, gushing fluid, squirt, cervical mucus, discharge or arousal fluid. Other names are pussy juice, sex fluids, lubricant. If you say “I had cum on my fingers after I masturbated”, you will not technically be correct, but everybody older than 12 will understand it. It will however not be very clear what you had on your hands.

So rather say, “I am going to cum, honey” or “I am going to orgasm, baby”. And not “I cumed all over his bed and now it is soaking wet”, or “I cumed over his face”. The correct way to express that is “I gushed over his bed and now it is soaking wet”, or “I squirted over his face”.

That way we keep having an orgasm separate from emitting fluids in the process.

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Apr 07 2013

Did I have and Orgasm?

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We often get the questions “How do I know if I had an orgasm?” and “What does an orgasm feel like?”.

There is no shame in asking these questions. We do not get born with the knowledge about how orgasms feel and affect our bodies. Often we learn by accident. But not knowing what is happening to you can be frightening. Some girls even think they are dying when they approach orgasm, and stop.

Here is just two of the many questions:

I was just kind of messing around with myself, not really seriously, and after a few seconds it felt like I really had to pee and I got kind of wet/tense. Nothing else really happened, I just stopped messing around, but did I have an orgasm? What do you think?
I really hope that wasn’t my first because that’d be really lame :/

Please give me some hope that I didn’t orgasm. Maybe I just got close? I’m really freaking out.


I am very embarrassed asking this question, but please, I need help from other females.

My question is how do I know if I had an orgasm?

I know my body tenses up, I do get a very intense pulsing sensation down there, as if something is about to happen, but then I feel like there should be something more. Some kind of release feeling.

I know I feel fear, as if I am going to pee all over, so I wonder if I am stopping myself from receiving a full orgasm.

I know this sounds stupid, but I am not quite sure if I am having a full orgasm or not. I do enjoy sex.

Please help and please do not laugh.


In order to understand an orgasm you need to understand what an orgasm is and how you get there.

There are two phases:

  • arousal: The build up of stress and tension in your muscles and organs around your pelvis and genitals, and brain. Think of a guitar or violin string being tightened, tighter and tighter.
  • orgasm: the release of this tension and stress
  • In order for you to recognize orgasms you need to recognize arousal and build-up. This phase starts with you feeling horny, getting we in your vagina and vulva, swelling up and heating up as blood rush into your genitals. You begin to feel the desire to take your clothes off and be touched and caressed. If you begin to stroke your clitoris and vulva, you will begin to feel warm, and your heart rate and breathing will increase. You might keep your mouth slightly open and you may want to take your bra or top off. This is because blood rushed into your breasts and it increased in size to the point where it is now being squeezed by your bra.

    Your inner lips and clitoris will swell up. Your inner lips may even open up a bit like a blooming flower because the internal structures of your clitoris is swelling up underneath your lips. You will be slippery and wet because the blood rushing to your vagina is squeezing plasma from the cells in your vaginal lining. Your vagina opens up from its normal flat pipe look to a round pipe.

    Your clitoris head (glans) may show its pink head from underneath your clitoris hood. Inside your body, your uterus is lifting up in your abdominal cavity. The tension in your pelvic muscles are lifting it upright fro where it normally rests on top of your bladder.

    Inside your bladder a clear fluid begins to form. Soon it may cause the urge for you to pee. Scientists does not understand the process where this gushing fluid forms, but it is different from pee and female ejaculation. We are also not sure if all women experience this.

    Meanwhile your heart rate and breathing rate increased about two fold, causing you to feel warm and even sweat a bit. Your cheats, breasts, neck and face may become red. This is called sex flushing and is caused by the increased blood flow and heat. You may begin to feel the desire to release the stress and tension, even getting a bit frustrated by it. You may find that the way you like to be touched begins to change. Your desire changes to harder and faster touching.

    You may feel comfortable with uttering groans with your hard breathing. You may be creating fantasy men or women in your mind, touching and caressing your body. This is all part of the normal sexual response cycle.

    Next it may feel like you begin to lose control over your body. You may experience twitches and convulsions in your body. You may shake a bit. Your hips may begin to move involuntary. Your stomach, legs, and thigh muscles becomes tense and stressed. Your head may lift up involuntary so that it looks like you are in a slight fetal position. Your senses will shut off from the outside world and you will become aware of yourself.

    Finally when you cannot take it any more, when you feel like you are in agony, your brain will say enough and signal your body to release. You will suddenly lose control, your brain will go into a coma for a few seconds, allowing your body to take over and you to lose all concepts of fear or shame. You will shake, your head will move backwards and your body will arch upwards, opening and exposing yourself, the opposite of the earlier fetal position.

    The muscles in your pelvic floor, vagina, cervix, uterus and around your anus will start to rapidly contract. Heat will radiate outwards throughout your body in wonderful waves of pleasure. This will last for a few seconds becoming weaker and weaker until you fall back exhausted but wonderfully content, satisfied and happy. A lot of feel good hormones and chemicals are rushing through your body and brain, and if your partner is there, you may feel the urge to cuddle and be close (bonding).

    Your muscles, genitals, heart rate and breathing will rapidly return to normal. As the chemical and hormone levels in your body dips, you may feel slightly depressed and guilty. This is normal and no reason to worry.

    After your orgasm, you may want to pee to clear your urethra and release the fluids that formed inside your bladder. Some women will release this fluid during arousal and especially during orgasm when she loses control over her bladder sphincter muscles. This is called gushing or squirting. It is not something to be ashamed of. If you do not experience this, it is perfectly fine. It is not necessary for you to orgasm. Many women develop this reflex in their late 20s or early 30s when they are comfortable with their bodies and secure in their relationships.

    Not all orgasms are created equally. Some orgasms will rock your world, some will be like a light breeze shaking the leaves of a tree. This is normal. It can depend on where you are in your menstrual cycle, how you feel, how fit and healthy you are and how happy you are. There are many techniques that can be used to improve the quality of your orgasms. Experimenting with sex and your sexual response is very important.

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    Nov 21 2011

    Latest Research: Is Female Gushing a form of Female Ejaculation?

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    Brand spanking new research confirmed what most scientists and doctors suspected for many years; that what is sold as female ejaculation in the popular press and porn industry, is a separate phenomena from female ejaculation. Female ejaculation is a rare low volume phenomena. In contrast, female gushing or squirting delivers a high volume of diluted urine in a short period of time, often soaking the floor and the bedding.

    It is clear that the “beer piss” theory is actually substantially correct. Although the physiological process behind the gushing is not yet understood, it is clear that it is a real occurrence. Women are taught to let go and bear down to force this liquid out during sex. This is consistent with the action during urination.

    Here is the citation and reference to the paper that was published on 13 October 2011: Rubio-Casillas, A. and Jannini, E. A. (2011), New Insights from One Case of Female Ejaculation. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. doi: 10.1111/j.1743-6109.2011.02472.x

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    Aug 28 2011

    What Your Lips Say About Your Orgasms

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    According to a recent research study published in the June 2011 edition of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the shape of a woman’s lips can be a sign of her ability to get a vaginal orgasm during intercourse. This research study was done by Stuart Brody, a psychology professor at the University of the West of Scotland. He is also known for his other studies  like the one linking a woman’s finger sensitivity to partnered sex behavior, the study linking a woman’s gait — “fluid, graceful,” “free of blocked or distorted pelvic rotation” — with a greater chance of having vaginal orgasms

    Lips Marked

    The Prominent Lip Tubercle

    Only a relatively small percentage of women experience an orgasm from penile vaginal intercourse (PVI). Other markers (perhaps of prenatal origin) even without obvious mechanistic roles in vaginal orgasm might exist, and a clinical observation led to the novel hypothesis that a prominent tubercle of the upper lip is such a marker. Aims. To examine the hypothesis that a prominent tubercle of the upper lip is associated specifically with greater likelihood of experiencing vaginal orgasm (orgasm elicited by penile-vaginal intercourse [PVI] without concurrent masturbation).

    258 Scottish women completed an online survey reporting their frequencies of various sexual activities and corresponding orgasms, age, and the prominence of the tubercle of their upper lip. Social desirability response bias was also assessed.

    Women with a prominent and sharply raised lip tubercle was 12 times more likely to have an orgasm from just penile penetration (no masturbation or any other techniques used). Their ability to orgasm was also more consistent. The prominent lip tubercle was not associated with social desirability, or with orgasm triggered by masturbation during PVI, solitary or partner clitoral or vaginal masturbation, vibrator, or cunnilingus.

    The theory is that the same prenatal hormones creating the prominent lip tubercle also created the anatomy of the woman’s genitals that made the vaginal orgasm from penetrative sex possible.


    make up

    Prominent Lip Tubercle In The Woman On The Right


    Vaginal Orgasm Is More Prevalent Among Women with a Prominent Tubercle of the Upper Lip – 2011 Jun 15. doi: 10.1111/j.1743-6109.2011.02331.x.

    Stuart Brody

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    Aug 26 2011

    Forget the Foreplay

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    Here is a trick question:

    What do you like better?

    a) Foreplay

    b) Penile-Vaginal Intercourse (PIV)

    The answer depends on what you want. If you want an orgasm from intercourse with your partner, penile-vaginal intercourse are much better than foreplay. This is just the opposite of what woman have been taught. We were told that enough foreplay will make you orgasm with your partner.

    This does not mean that foreplay is not desirable. Foreplay is very valuable in preparing the vagina for penetration, lubricate it, relax the muscles and engorge the vaginal walls and clitoral complex. Foreplay can often bring a woman to orgasm pretty easy. Extended foreplay is however of minimal use when you want to orgasm with his penis inside you.

    A representative sample of the Czech women (2,360) were asked about their consistency of orgasm with a partner (from “never” to “almost every time”), and estimates of their typical durations of foreplay and of penile–vaginal intercourse.

    Results. In univariate analyses, consistency of partnered orgasm was more associated with penile–vaginal intercourse duration than with foreplay duration (consistency also correlated negatively with age). In multivariate analysis, foreplay ceased to be a significant correlate of partnered orgasm consistency (the exclusion of respondents reporting a penile–vaginal intercourse duration of 1 minute or less did not alter the results).

    Conclusions. When both sexual activity categories are examined in tandem on a population level, women’s likelihood or consistency of partnered orgasm is associated with penile–vaginal intercourse duration, but not with foreplay duration. In contrast to the assumptions of many sex therapists and educators, more attention should be given to improve the quality and duration of penile–vaginal intercourse rather than foreplay. Weiss P, and Brody S. Women’s partnered orgasm consistency is associated with greater duration of penile–vaginal intercourse but not of foreplay. J Sex Med 2009;6:135–141.

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    Feb 07 2011

    What Every Girl Should Know About Genital and Sexual Hygiene

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    In order to keep your genital health, you need to follow some hygiene routines. Unfortunately moms do not always teach their daughters this. Your vulva is not supposed to smell bad. If you follow a good hygiene routine and your vulva still smells bad, speak to your doctor.

    Here is a list of what your mom should have told you but did not:

    Washing and Cleaning

    • Do not use  any scented products on your vulva or inside your vagina.  Sugars are bad for your vagina and a lot of flavored and scented products contains sugars. These includes douches, sprays, scented pads and tampons, soaps and bubble baths. Use normal clean warm water with your fingers or a wash cloth to wash your genitals
    • Within the folds of your labia and under the clitoral hood, dead skin cells can combine with oil secreted from glands in the skin to form a whitish cheese-like secretion called smegma. If smegma is not removed, it can create problems. It is thus important to wash your vulva regularly. Use clean water and your fingers. Wash in and between all the folds and pull back your clitoral hood and wash the crevices of this area.






    • There are no health related reasons to shave your pubic hair. It is normally done for personal reasons
    • It is often enough to just trim the pubic hair shorter.
    • Before shaving, trim the hair down.
    • Do not use men’s razors
    • Do not use men’s shaving creams and gels


    • Wipe yourself from the front to the back to keep anal bacteria out of your vagina and vulva.
    • After you urinated, you can pat yourself dry, rather than wipe.
    • Move your tampon string out of the way before you pee to keep it dry.
    • If you are going to change your tampon, take your tampon out, pee and then put the new tampon in. That way some menstrual blood will flow out when you pee and the new tampon string

    Clothes and Underwear

    • Wear panties with (at the very least) a cotton crotch. Cotton will wick away moisture and keep you dry.
    • Keep your panties dry. Wear panty liners to absorb your cervical mucus discharge if you have to.
    • If you get wet (swimming for example), dry your genital area or put on dry bottoms as soon as convenient. Wear quick drying swimming costumes.
    • Avoid tight fitting pants and stockings that will cause your genitals to heat up.
    • String panties collects bacteria from your anal region and wipe it into your vulva. Rather wear fuller panties or boy shorts that does not slip into your but crack.
    • Sleep without panties when you can. This will allow your genital area to dry out and breath.



    • Do not use scented pads or tampons. These scented products can cause allergic reactions and possibly disturb your vaginal balance.
    • Do not douche or use sprays. Your vagina cleans itself. Sprays and douches can disturb the pH, bacterial and yeast balance of your vaginal environment and contribute to pelvic inflammatory disease and other infections
    • Change your tampon or pad in good time. Overfilled menstrual products do not keep you dry.
    • Use the smallest tampon that will not overflow in 4 hours. Although
    • Make sure you are flowing enough before using a tampon
    • Remember that you can be allergic to the covering in pads
    • Use panty liners to keep your vulva dry during the rest of the month
    • Make sure you remove your last tampon
    • Do not have intercourse with a tampon inside your vagina
    • Consider reusable menstrual products like washable pads and menstrual cups.
    • There is no medical reason to not have sex during menstruation. Just make sure that everything you use are clean. Your cervix are more open at that time and you are more vunerable to infections.


    • Know your partner’s sexual history. If he had sex with 2 girls before you, and they each had sex with 2 other guys, he can potentially carry STDs from 7 people.
    • Make sure you are both STD free by having an STD scan once a year or with every new partner. If you are not in a committed long term relationship, you cannot rely on the fact that your partner tested STD free one time. Many women get infected with unfaithful partners.
    • You should minimize the number of partners you allow to ejaculate inside you. Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) is related to the number of men you allow to ejaculate inside you. So only allow him to ejaculate after having an STD scan and you are sure it is a long term relationship. It is actually best to only allow your life partner to ejaculate inside you
    • Make sure anything that touch your vulva and vagina is clean and smooth (no splinters, shards or sharp edges)
    • Never allow anything that touched your anal region into your vulva or vagina without it being cleaned thoroughly. Anal bacteria is bad for your genital area
    • Do not have intercourse while wearing a tampon
    • Urinate after sex to clean your urethra and prevent an UTI
    • Do kegel exercises to squeeze out semen after you allowed a man to ejaculate inside you. Wear a panty liner the next day to keep you dry (and keep your panties dry)
    • Do not have oral sex with cold sores (herpes) on your lips. In rare circumstances, oral herpes does transfer to the genital area


    • If you have diabetes or are pre-diabetic, you need to consult your doctor to determine any special precautions to take with genital care. This is very important.
    • Limit the amount of sugar in your diet
    • Add natural yoghurt with natural cultures to your diet.
    • Take a good look at your genitals using a mirror

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    Sep 27 2010

    The G Spot – Fact or Myth

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    The Journal of Sexual Medicine asked 6 scientists to conduct a study into the existence of the G-Spot. These scientists looked at the evidence and studies produced on the subject (from strongly pro G-Spot to vehemently anti G-Spot).

    The results of this study was similar to the results from the Journal of Sexual Medicine Debate held during the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health Congress in Florence in February of 2009.

    In short the results are as follows:

    There are a lot of bad research about this subject

    Some of the good research shows that:

    • Most woman have a “special” spot somewhere in their vaginal wall
    • The position of this spot differs considerably from woman to woman
    • Changes to this spot is clearly visible during penile and digital stimulation

    Many contrasting studies exist:

    • The variability of this spot may indicate that it is not real
    • During radiological studies and anatomical studies on cadavers this area could not be found in many woman


    The report concludes: “Although a huge amount of data (not always of good quality) have been accumulated in the last 60 years, we still need more research on one of the most challenging aspects of female sexuality.



    Who’s Afraid of the G-spot?  Authors: Emmanuele A. Jannini MD, Beverly Whipple PhD, RN, FAAN,  Sheryl A. Kingsberg PhD, Odile Buisson MD, Pierre Foldès MD, Yoram Vardi MD

    Article first published online: 5 JAN 2010  DOI: 10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01613.x, The Journal of Sexual Medicine Volume 7, Issue 1pt1, pages 25–34, January 2010

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    Jun 20 2009

    Adding and Revising Content

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    The contents of this site is under constant development and improvement. Please be patient if you get to a page where the contents is not fully developed yet.

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